Coping With The Festive Season: Protecting Your Energy, Boundaries & Mental Health

The festive season can hold joy, pressure, exhaustion, loneliness, excitement, and grief. Sometimes all in the same day.

Christmas is portrayed as a happy, bright, family-filled time of year where we share magical times with our loved ones, opening presents by the tree and eating mince pies, Slade playing on the radio, and the enormous turkey that is produced, golden, succulent and steaming from the oven, placed in the centre of the table in front of wide-eyes and thankful smiles. People are under an enormous amount of pressure to emulate the perfect day. However, for many people, this is not how Christmas actually feels. And this true feeling is often buried, wrapped in shame and guilt, that they aren't really experiencing the Hallmark Christmas that they envisioned.

So many clients come to therapy feeling "wrong" for not loving this time of the year.

If this season feels complicated, heavy, overwhelming, or emotionally noisy, you are not alone and nothing is wrong with you.

During this period, people can experience increased expectations; social, financial, family roles. I know I certainly do.

There can be childhood memories that are resurfacing - good or painful, and the pressure of performing 'happiness' can lead to sensory overload (lights, noise, busy environments), disrupted routines and loss of personal space, all whilst absorbing the societal messaging that we should "be happy, be grateful, and be social".

Your emotions make sense when we look at the context you're in.

So, let's take a look at some of the ways we can protect our emotional wellbeing, especially over the festive period;

Boundaries During the Festive Period (And Why They Matter)

Having and holding boundaries can be difficult, and it can be made even more challenging at this time of the year, so thinking about what is important to you before the festivities really kick in can be a great way of making sure you feel more confident in setting your boundaries to protect your emotional and mental health.

Boundaries aren't about being mean, they are there to help you preserve your energy, help you reduce resentment, and allow for you to enjoy this time of the year as best you can. You deserve this too.

Some helpful things to remember would be:

• You don't need to attend everything

• OR stay the whole time

• You're allowed to leave early

• You're allowed to decline invitations

• You're allowed to create new traditions

• You don't have to drink alcohol

• You don't have to go into debt

  
  

So, how would you go about communicating some of these boundaries? First and foremost, it will be helpful to think of what is important to you, as well as assessing what you are realistically able to achieve over the period, especially when you factor in work, family commitments, and (most importantly) self-care. Once you have an idea of what would work for you, you can come up with ways in which you can communicate this to others.

I can start you with a few helpful phrases which you might find useful, then you can create your own:

• "Thank you for inviting me, but I won't be able to make it this year"

• "I'm going to step outside for a moment - I just need a breather"

• "That doesn't work for me, but I appreciate you asking"

Remember, communicating your boundaries doesn't have to be mean, but it does need to be clear.

Disappointing others doesn't make you a bad person. It makes you a human being with limits.

Navigating Family Dynamics

The Christmas period has a sneaky way of bringing old relationship patterns to the surface. Even if we have engaged in years worth of personal-growth, stepping back into a family system can feel like you are stepping onto an old stage where everyone knows their lines - and they expect you to know yours too.

The holidays can act as an emotional time machine, where you can be transported back into childhood roles or reacting in ways which don't match who you are today. This is not a sign of failure - its a natural response to familiar environments and long-standing relational habits.

If you feel 12 years old again the moment you walk through the door, you're not alone. Our nervous systems remember these dynamics.

Many people, especially women, carry an invisible workload which is doubled during the festive period. Planning, anticipating needs, soothing over tensions, making sure everybody is comfortable. This labour can be exhausting, particularly when it is assumed rather than acknowledged. Especially with the added pressure to be the "peacekeeper", "fixer", or the "easy one".

If you're the one thinking ahead, tidying as you go, or holding the emotional temperature of the room, that's labour - real, draining labour.

Family roles are powerful. Some become the mediator, the helper, or the one who "doesn't make a fuss". These roles may once have offered safety, but they can feel restrictive or unfair now. Its okay if you are tired of being the one who smooths over every disagreement or keeps everyone else happy. Walking on eggshells, monitoring who might be irritated, anticipating potential blow-ups, keeping an eye on that awkward relative, making sure everyone's drinks are topped up and that the baby hasn't tried to eat the tree decorations, again - this takes its toll. It can leave you feeling depleted before Christmas is even halfway over.

Emotional exhaustion doesn't come from nowhere. If you are spending the day managing the atmosphere, as well as everything else, no wonder you end it feeling drained.

Keeping this in mind, it is completely valid and good practice to be selective with your time, attention, and your emotional availability, Protecting your inner peace is not unkind - its healthy.

You're allowed to choose where you invest your energy. Not every conversation, expectation, or request deserves the same access to you.

A few questions that you could consider to help you set your boundaries could be things like:

• What role do I slip into around my family?

• Is that role still serving me?

• Where could I step back a little?

• What would it look like to prioritise my own wellbeing this year?

• Who feels safe and grounding for me?

Managing Sensory Overload

Between the lights, the noise, the gatherings, the travel, and the constant stimulation (Slade on the radio for the 500th time today), December is a month where sensory overload is almost guaranteed - especially if you are neuro-divergent, where this overload can build even faster and hit even harder.

The Christmas environment intensifies everything in your nervous system has to process. What might feel "festive" to one person can feel chaotic, unpredictable, or physically uncomfortable to another. Like, surely that isn't Slade playing on the radio, again?! This isn't oversensitivity - it is your body doing its best to cope with too much input at once.

Your reaction to sensory overwhelm isn't weakness - its information. Your nervous system is telling you that it is at capacity.

Its rarely just one thing. Lights, noise, social expectations, travel, changes in schedule, late nights, and emotional demands all stack up on top of one another. Sensory overload often arrives not at a single moment, but as an accumulation. Being aware of this can look like feeling on edge before anything has even 'gone wrong', and this is likely to be because your nervous system has been working overtime for days.

This would be a good point to introduce some practical supports while reinforcing that these are not indulgences - they are genuine forms of regulation:

• Holding a grounding object; something cool, textured, or familiar, that helps bring your attention back to your body

• Take small breaks; outside, in a quite room, or anywhere with less input. Short pauses can reset your baseline.

• Plan downtime around events; aim to buffer overstimulating plans with rest before and after.

• Use supports like earplugs, sunglasses, or screen breaks; they're not "dramatic", they're protective.

• Give yourself permission to leave early; exiting before overwhelm hits is a sign of self-awareness, not rudeness

These tools don't mean that you are failing to cope. They mean that you're supporting your system so it doesn't have to cope alone.

It is okay if this season feels demanding. It is okay if your capacity changes day-to-day. Caring for your nervous system is just as important as caring for your schedule, your relationships, or your responsibilities. You deserve to design a festive season that honours your limits as much as your commitments.

Self-Compassion: Allowing Mixed Emotions

Christmas can stir up a surprising mix of emotions. You might look forward to certain bits while dreading others. You might feel joy and sadness, connection and loneliness, gratitude and exhaustion - often all in the same day. Mixed emotions don't mean that you are doing Christmas 'wrong', it means you are human.

The festivities often brings together memories, expectations, hopes, and pressures. Its a time of reflections, family dynamics, old patterns, and disrupted routines. It makes sense that your emotional experience wouldn't be neat and tidy.

Two things can be true at the same time - relief and disappointment, excitement and overwhelm.

Many people can add a layer of self-criticism on top of what they are already feeling; "I should be happier", "other people have it worse", "what's wrong with me?".... but emotions don't respond to pressure - they respond to care and acceptance. Your feelings don't need justification. They're simply offering information about what matters to you.

The power of self-talk can mean the difference between feeling that its not the end of the world when the pigs-in-blankets have been forgotten in the oven and burnt to a crisp, and feeling so squashed with overwhelm that the radio gets slung out of the window (bye, Slade) and the safest place is the corner of the bathroom with the door locked.

Repeating phrases that are soothing rather than scolding can look like:

• "It's okay that this feels hard"

• "I'm doing the best I can with the resources (physical and emotional) that I have today"

• "My feelings make sense"

• "I will beat them in Trivial Pursuit later"

These aren't platitudes - they are grounding statements that help the nervous system settle and make space for the complexity of the moment.

Offering yourself compassion gives the emotional system room to breathe. It can help regulate stress, soften inner criticism, and increase resilience. Far from "letting yourself off the hook", it actually strengthens your capacity as you move through the season.

Creating Space for What You Need

Its easy to get swept up into the expectations of the festive season - what you "should" enjoy, how you "should" show up, who you "should" see. But your needs that keep you sane for the rest of the year don't disappear just because it's December. In fact, this time of the year makes it even more important to pause and check in with yourself.

Intentional reflection can help you move from obligation-driven choices to values-driven ones. Asking yourself things like "what do I actually want from this season?", "what drains me?", "what nourishes me?", and "how can I create small moments of calm?" can be helpful in gaining an understanding of what you need, and developing a 'tool kit' to navigate through December. Remember, it is important that when you are asking and answering these questions, to do so honestly, without worrying about what anyone else might expect.

Your preferences matter. They're clues to what helps you feel grounded and well.

There isn't a single "right" way to do Christmas. For some, connection, warmth, and togetherness feel replenishing. For others, quiet, space, and slower moments make everything more manageable. Reminding yourself that your needs don't have to mirror anyone else's and that you're allowed to honour your own rhythm can feel validating and autonomous.

Planning small pockets of peace doesn't require a full day off or a dramatic boundary - small, intentional pauses count. Five minutes of breathing space can reset your system far more than you might expect.

Some ideas for a gentle reset can be:

• A brief walk outside

• A quiet cup of tea, alone

• A few minutes of slow breathing in a separate room

• A grounding exercise or sensory break

• Stepping away from noise to regroup

• Turn off the damn radio

These small moments aren't insignificant - they are anchors. I hear a lot of people telling me that they feel pressure to optimise their self-care by making it big and meaningful, but tiny, accessible forms of care can be just as powerful.

Even the briefest moments of calm can make the season feel more manageable. You're allowed to create that space for yourself

In summary, if the world feels louder this month, soften where you can. Let yourself rest. Let yourself say no. And most importantly - let yourself be human.

With warm and best wishes,

p.s If you’d like something to hold onto during the festive period, I’ve created a free Festive Survival Guide you can download here